In It to Win It

Cutting our losses

Uno is a great game. Colors, numbers, that feeling when you slam down a ‘Draw 4’ on your significant other. I was playing with my oldest daughter recently, and she was getting rather upset as she began accumulating loss after loss. “You really should let her win,” said my wife. “Give her some confidence.”

Shock. Awe. Disgust.

“Are you serious!?,” I shouted as I skipped-reversed-draw two’d-reversed-Uno’d my kid into oblivion. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I firmly believe in earning your stripes. Children need a few Ls in life to truly feel the thrill and accomplishment of victory. Yes, tears will be shed, feelings will be hurt, and someone will be vilified at quite a few family functions. But I’ve been there. We all have.

My grandma used to mop the floor with me at Parcheesi, and laugh all the way to the bank at gin rummy. I’ve been beaned by more than a few red rubber balls in the face to understand the hard truth of dodgeball’s life lesson. Nothing is free, everything is earned, and it’s a tough world out there. Participation medals are great and 90% of success is just showing up, but winning just feels so good.

Right now, you’re either rolling your eyes or nodding in agreement. I’ve always been competitive and it’s a pedigree many of us share. We’ll face off in air hockey at the pizza place, race for shotgun on the way to the car, and shout louder and louder with each answer during the evening Jeopardy viewing. And I’m not going to lie—I want my daughters to be the same way.

But then there’s the other side of the coin. “I just want to have fun,” you hear when setting up the rules, disqualification criteria, and prize breakdown. Me too, but fun comes with dubs, trophies, certificates and stuffed animals the size of a Mini Cooper at the country fair. I understand the inherent asshole vibes, but I can't change my DNA. And I sure hope it’s the dominant strain in our family tree.

To be clear, though, the wrong side of winning needs to be handled with grace and good sportsmanship, too. I threw quite a few Nintendo controllers and destroyed many a bank setup during Monopoly marathons, and just like life, I had to learn to lose. And now I’m going through that with my kids. That frustration of failing and coming up short is not lost on me. The sound of their cries as they run to their rooms and slam the door doesn’t pain me any less.

But these are good hard lessons.

1. Never accept the awful feeling of losing.

2. Work hard, practice and get better.

3. When you do win, it will be that much sweeter.

4. But for now (and most of your life), dad will be the best at most things.

Draw four!